I’ve hung up my cape, folks. I never realized how heavy my cape was until I took it off. Maybe later I will have a ceremonial lighting of a candle to symbolize the burning of my cape. Because I never EVER want to wear it, see it or think about it again.
………… you get that there isn’t an actual cape, right?
The cape I am referring to is the notion that I somehow convinced myself I needed to be a real-life Superwoman. Not the crime fighting or saving babies from burning buildings kind. I’m talking about the ‘super independent, I don’t need anyone, anything, I won’t ask for help and I can and will make it on my own and – oh by the way – while I am doing it I will put on a brave face and never show any weakness, fear or emotion nor will I allow myself to be put in a position of rejection or vulnerability.’ You know, that kind of Superwoman.
A few weeks ago, I was NOT OK. But you know what? I haven’t been OK for a while. Maybe a year or two…. Possibly more. But the few weeks ago in which I am talking about, it was pretty bad. Downright scary. I don’t know what it is like to be an alcoholic who has blackouts but if I had to compare, I would have to guess it was similar to that. I really can’t remember much from those couple of weeks. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t see clearly. I didn’t care about anything. I stopped going to the gym. I avoided people. I would be driving and suddenly wonder where I was and where I was going. That’s when I knew that I wasn’t OK. That’s when I reached out for help.
I used some resources I knew I had through my employer and made an appointment with a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC). I was only able to have 3 free sessions with her. They helped immensely. I am sure part of it was the refocusing of my brain and having someone to talk with me about things, but after the first session I felt good. After the second session, I felt great. At the third session, I was a different person.
I focused on making a small change with the help of my counselor. The results of which have made me happier than I have been in a very long time. I am giddy to my core with how incredibly happy I am. And it is truly a feeling I don’t think I have ever felt in my 35 years of life.
It’s time for the ‘symbolic’ burning of the cape.
I am done being Superwoman.